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Healthy Family & Ministry

Melissa Helser and Jonathan David Helser

01:04:00 · Community

Jonathan and Melissa will share on the beautiful balance of ministry and family. Giving keys to thrive in both.

Marriage & Ministry

  • “Marriage is the perfect storm.” It’s two pressure systems meeting each other, but in that pressure, comes the transformation. 
  • “When God decided to have kids, he decided to die.” Becoming a father means you get to lay down your life, like the Father did for the foundations of the world. 
  • “Let him who cannot be alone, beware of community. Let him who cannot be in community, beware of being alone”.
  • Jonathan talks about the garden of Eden, what Adam and the Father were doing before Eve came into the picture. - It’s noticed that before Eve was brought along, the Father and Adam got to have many moments alone together. And then God put Adam into a long, deep sleep. And while Adam was asleep, the Father intentionally had a moment alone with Eve before waking Adam up. It was important for the Father to spend time alone with both Adam and Eve before their marriage and relationship began.
  • Melissa and Jonathan talk about loving people out of the overflow of their relationship with God. 
  • God is inviting us to be fathered by Him, 24/7. 
  • Humility is required when weaving in and out of the mundane, normal, everyday life.

Family Values

  • Melissa shares how her and Jonathan’s platform ministry takes up very little of their time, and how they’ve chosen the areas of their lives in which they want to pour the most into. (family, friends, community, health, etc.)
  • What is it you want your family to be known for? (kindness, joy, respect, flexibility, softness, strength, etc.)
  • It’s important to see more of Jesus in the mundane, than in ministry. 
  • Every marriage and family is so different, so it may not be very helpful to take the values of someone else’s household. It’s important to ask God what values He specifically wants your family to be known for. “As we mature and grow, our values grow.” 
  • We shouldn’t be one person in ministry and another person at home. We should never be giving to the church our deeper affection and fullest selves, and then give home the leftovers of ourselves.
  • Would you rather your family be known for giftings and anointings or be known for love and kindness?
  • It’s not bad to give requirements when sitting at a certain table, rather than giving rules and regulations. You’re putting the ball in someone’s court and letting them choose to meet certain requirements when sitting at the table.
  • Ministry becomes very difficult if you’re not growing with your kids. The people you’re leading need to see you grow. It creates a space of safety and vulnerability. 
  • Family should be the most sacred place, it’s where vulnerability, safety and growth takes place the most.
  • As parents, it’s your responsibility to model Jesus to your children. It’s not the church’s responsibility, not their school, not their friends house. 
  • Jonathan shares a moment that he shared with God, when the Lord told him, “It’s your privilege to make mistakes, cause it’s my joy to redeem them”.
  • “There’s a difference between behavioral management and internal transformation”. 
  • “I’m not as free as I’m gonna be”. - I’m freer than I’ve ever been, but I know that it’s not as free as I’m going to be. 
  • From one generation to the next, we’re getting freer and freer. 

Q&A

  • Student: “Did you struggle with having different dreams, yet still moving forward, trying to find the right direction during your first year of marriage?”
    Jonathan: “Live in the day, but measure in the decade.” It wasn’t until a decade into our marriage that we realized our roots were going deep enough that our branches could carry the weight of the fruit of what we’re called to walk in. We have dreams, but His dreams and His voice trump everything. Your first year of marriage is only the very beginning of your story. 
    Melissa: What’s making you come alive right now, may not be what makes you come alive in 5 years. Seasons are always changing and it’s so important to allow yourselves to find your true selves. Permission to grow and like different kinds of things is important. Lift the pressure of having to know off your shoulders and know that passions change, circumstances and schedules change. 

  • Student: “How do you balance a family’s ministry schedule from too much, but also not holding them back.” 
    Melissa: I think it’s important to ask Holy Spirit if your boundaries are also your children’s boundaries? Are the boundaries that we’re setting for ourselves, the same for our children? Boundaries have to be value driven. Our capacity isn’t necessarily our children’s capacity. And how do we steward our children’s capacity? Don’t be afraid to ask them more questions, than giving them answers.
    Jonathan: As parents, it’s important to lead your children to the Father. It’s important for our children to discover the discipline of the Lord and it’s important for us to know when to step out of the way. Where are the moments that you’re leading your kids to the Lord’s discipline, teaching them how to hear His voice? It’s valuable to teach your children how to hear the Holy Spirit, move forward, and sometimes looking in hindsight and realizing “maybe that wasn’t the Lord, but at least I know now”, with no condemnation or shame, is good, because they’re learning first hand.

  • Student: “As a wife, when put into positions of leadership over your husband, how do you continue to make him feel like the husband and not feel walked over in those environments?”
    Melissa: Championing one another’s strengths and giving room for one another to shine is valuable. At the end of the day, are you letting your husband be the leader, or letting God be the leader? When you’re submitting your heart, are you submitting to your husband or to Jesus? When both husband and wife are submitted under the Lord, it’s easier to trust each others judgement and to let eachother shine in their strengths.
    Jonathan: For those who are doing a lot of work and ministry with their spouse, just because you’re around them all day, doesn’t mean you’re spending time with them. It’s important to intentionally set aside uninterrupted time with your spouse. It’s healthy to unplug and be alone, together.