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Purity in Relationships

Ben Armstrong

35:03 · Community

Ben Armstrong talks vulnerably about his past encounters in church ministry where purity in relationships was not maintained and how that affected his church and family. He shares advice and stresses the importance of healthy boundaries and open communication.

Purity in Relationships

Ben Armstrong

Ben discusses how he has personal experience with a failure in purity. It happened at work while working at Bethel. And Ben was raised in Bethel culture, under Bill Johnson’s leadership.

Comparison covers over Holy Spirit’s voice. It creates an inability to hear God’s voice when He is telling you He doesn’t want you to do something.

Ben and his wife had a great and healthy marriage and were very connected but they had this issue of comparison. Ben had an intern who was paying him attention in ways he didn’t even realise he was missing from his wife. He was feeling validated by this other lady.

Ben explains how he felt like growing up he lived in the dark a lot - he was 75% truthful and left the other 25% unsaid. He explains this is actually deception, a lie.

Ben ignored his gut feeling that the relationship he was developing with this lady and immersed himself in “kingdom” and “bible” and found ways to validate something which he knew wasn’t feeling right. He wasn’t listening to the warnings, the red flags.

The enemy is not overt, he’s not in your face. Ben uses a garden analogy.

Before he knew it, Ben was standing in front of leaders confessing a sin he never thought he would commit. Trying desperately to salvage his marriage, his kids and his life. He recognised the mess he had made and just wanted to set it right.

When you turn the lights on on your sin, one of the greatest feelings is knowing no-one has anything over you any more. You don’t have anything to hide anymore.

Ben shares how his wife chose to fight for their marriage - it takes two people choosing the marriage to make it work. You have to be willing to clean up a mess.

Asking “what’s wrong with me?”, “why did I do what I did?” and figuring it out takes guts. And yet, in the church this seems to be the one sin people most often don’t come back from.

Ben shares how in the worship world this is something that is too common. Holy Spirit will speak to you in your gut and tell you that it isn’t right. We have to get real, we have to get transparent. Turn on the lights to all those things and have healthy outlets for all those things. Don’t surround yourself with people who tolerate your problem. Accountability looks like getting people in your life who call you to the greatness that you are, and won’t allow you to live in that kind of area any more.

Ben discusses a red flag in his life: he was more comfortable sharing with women because he didn’t have any men in his life whom he pursued for accountability. We need healthy same sex relationships where we can be real and transparent. But don’t look for people to agree with you, search out people who act and think a little different from you.

If you’re married, you need to have extra boundaries.

You don’t fall into sin, you choose it.

If you can’t hear your spouses voice, when they bring up a concern, there’s a problem. No relationship is worth your spouse’s anxiety.

Own all of you. Clean up 100% of your mess.

Ben shares how his family processed through his mess.

You never have to be defined by your failure. People can choose to define you by it, but you don’t have to. God can use people who are real, and who clean up their messes.

Sorry doesn’t fix it, it isn’t good enough. Punishment is easy, but discipline is hard.

Ben implores students to get it right. Go talk to your leaders if you have to. You’ve got to distance yourself from wrong relational connections.

Ben leads students in prayer.